This is an interesting moment for me to reflect on fatherhood. In a little under two months
we are expecting our first child. I find myself in a bit of limbo. I reflect on how my father was and how I want to be and the understanding that I won’t truly understand fatherhood until that day. I remember how my father acted, taught me, and grew by being a father to my brother and I.
I remember learning lessons from his learning and how he showed a dedication to family and providing for us. He put family first even above his own needs. He showed strength through some very difficult times. He learned and grew through his experience of fatherhood. There are other father figures to consider too: the kindness of my grandfather, how much my uncle always accepted his step children as his own, the advice my sensei gave me to treat children like adults and remember that they are not, and how you have to be firm with children but willing to compromise.
What I understand most is what I don’t understand. When I’m asked if I’m ready for this, I respond the only way that is truthful, no. I don’t understand the strength that will be required. I don’t understand the weight of responsibility that is coming. I don’t understand how much I’ll be overwhelmed by love for this little life that is coming. At certain points in your life, the only thing you can understand is what you don’t understand.
Jonathan Walton, L.Ac