COVID-19 Update We're back and we've missed you!!! Online booking is now available so schedule by clicking the link below or call (312) 321-0004 to book your appointment. TeleTCM virtual appointments will continue to be available.

Ride the Roller Coaster

by Alece Demaray, RYT 500 + CPYT

New Year’s goal setting is tough when your goal (BABY!) is not in your control.  No matter the timeline you allot yourself or how hard you work to make it happen, it may or may not come to fruition.  As a goal driven woman, that is heartbreaking to accept.  

I like to work toward things and celebrate when I achieve them.  When trying to conceive, I started to do everything that was in my control…see a reputable Reproductive Endocrinologist, adjust lifestyle factors, modify my diet, take proper supplements and get weekly acupuncture.  I adopted a mood of empowerment, to make my healthiest self to prepare for conception. I am still upkeeping the changes…and I am still trying to conceive.  

I am currently on clomid in prep for IUI #3.  As I started a new cycle, it struck me that my emotions have developed a unique cycle of their own:

Cycle Day 1-3:  Depressed because I am not pregnant

Cycle Day 3- 7 :  Swallowing down clomid with a dose of forced optimism.  Emotions run wild. 

Cycle Day 8-14:  Anxious anticipation to see how I responded to the meds and when the IUI will be scheduled

Cycle Day 14- 24:  A mix of hope and positive thinking swells the majority of the two week wait

Cycle Day 24-28:  The last few days of the two week wait brew anxiety and negative thinking, as if I already received a negative pregnancy test result

Cycle Day 28 – Upset and mad at the negative result of the pregnancy test.  

Repeat Cycle.

The yoyo of emotions is real and it is tiring.  I want to be hopeful and believe it is possible, but being pulled to the other end of the spectrum becomes more painful, feeling like a positive pregnancy test is the impossible dream.  I began to think…How can I learn to ride this fertility roller coaster better? Sure, there are some unexpected twists and turns, highs and lows, but can I learn to EXPECT those challenges and manage my energy BETTER around them?

My new goal is to strive for balance regardless of the cycle phase.  Remain present for all that is coming up for me emotionally and physically, but not allowing it to throw me.  I will root down and rest into the truth that I WILL BE OKAY, regardless of the outcome. It is a PRACTICE and everyday an opportunity to try the ride again, inviting more ease.

Here are some suggestions and inquiries to support you in remaining cool, calm and collected, regardless of what cycle day it is for you and your emotions:

  1. Schedule some space directly after your appointments.  Use this time to journal and process what things in your life ARE going right.  Gratitude journaling can help to reframe your perspective and shift your mood in a positive direction for the rest of your day.
  2. Take 3 deep, calming breaths before opening the message from your doctor.
  3. Remain aware and nonjudgmental of your emotions as they fluctuate with medication.  Be kind to yourself and thank close ones around you for understanding 🙂
  4. At the beginning of your two week wait, remain active with safe exercise (yoga!) to keep your mind at ease.
  5. Prior to your pregnancy test, affirm to yourself (at least) 3 times that you will be okay, regardless of the outcome.  You are loved, regardless of the outcome. You are worthy, regardless of the outcome. Try an Unwind the Mind Massage to get through the wait!
  6. Post pregnancy test, allow yourself to process:  do you need to cry, scream, call someone or celebrate?  Allow yourself adequate time to digest the information as opposed to rushing off to the rest of your day, without dealing with your feelings.
  7. Give yourself permission to begin again (mentally) at the start of your new cycle.  Reignite the flame of possibility and reaffirm to yourself that YOU ARE CAPABLE AND WHOLE.

 

If you would like to practice riding the roller coaster together, join me for Yoga For Fertility at Pulling Down The Moon, on Wednesdays evenings.   In addition to managing emotions and digesting experiences, YFF will increase blood flow to optimize your fertility. To find more balance on this path, call Pulling Down the Moon to get started in March at: 312.321.0004.  I hope to see you on the mat!

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *